Testimony of a Defrosted Calvinist

Reformed Theology shares its heritage with the reformers and the puritans, it is vital Christianity. It should lead to orthopraxis as well as orthodoxy, right living as well as right doctrine. However a lot of older reformed congregations are stilted, having a tradition that you need to buy into. I found this when I was a young convert, I joined a reformed Church. I was saved and had a passion for Jesus and reaching the lost but I found as a working class guy I didn't fit in with the congregation. I started to conform, not to be transformed to become like Christ but to conform to the churches expectations. Thankfully the church moved buildings and changed. I didn't, I enjoyed the preaching but as I was into Theology I found I started to sit in judgement of everyone's Theology and to sit over the preaching. I had lost my passion for Jesus and was losing my passion for the lost, I had become a Pharisee. In spite of being converted from a non-Christian background, in spite of experiencing grace (unmerited favour), I was starting to count my own orthodoxy as the standard by which everything should be judged.
Praise God a few things happened to move me from my frozen chosen position:
Firstly the book Don't Waste Your Life by John Piper, made me realise that worship was more than singing songs to God. Rather it was having a changed life, a life lived for the glory of God.
Secondly we sang at church; "I'm coming back to the heart of worship" I enjoyed the song but I thought that's great Matt Redman has realised worship isn't just music, its all about Jesus. However it dawned on me that I had done the same thing with Theology, I had replaced Jesus with Theology. Theology is a great tool to learn about Jesus and can aid your relationship with him, like everything else we need to guard against it taking the place of Jesus. I was doing my Theology degree long distance at the time and I prayed that I would give it up and give up the books, it was after all about Jesus. The morning after I read in Acts 17 about Apollos who was a man mighty in the scriptures whom God used to win souls for him. I felt a strong sense that God was giving me back Theology, that I now understood it was all about Jesus. If your heart has grown cold to God, call out to him and he will change you, press the defrost button. John Flavel said, do not look for warm fire underneath cold ice, let God melt the ice and set the flame burning once again.
God Bless
Stephen <><